Always close to me...

August 1994 was when I penned down my thoughts for the first time. This was for the Times of India student newspaper supplement. Won an 'outstanding write-up' prize - 700 words on 'Love is in the air'. Let me mention here that this was about my grandma's love for her plants and flowers, for matters of the heart were too juvenile for a 12-year-old. I described her love for her flowers in great detail. My fellow school mates would know what article I am talking about.



My first article was about my grandma who made me believe there is always hope for chasing your dreams. What made me a successful journalist/writer in my following years was the fact that my first write-up was dedicated to a great woman who I prefer calling mummy. Yes, I am superstitious...



So my first blog post is about her, the most significant person in my life. But today I cannot talk about her love, her motherhood, her affection towards her plants or her selfless love towards me. Today, I am incredibly distressed to know that she is suffering with old-age disease. She can't talk to me on the phone, neither can she remember me well. As a kid, I used to count years upto 100, calculate the number of years she will be with me, used to cry at the thought of our seperation. She took care of me as her own child. Used to have sleepless nights with me during my exams. Used to wake up at dawn to offer prayers on the day of my final exam results. Our evening walks, her 'special' cooking for me, the hand that was always there to hold me...still fills my heart with emotions.


Lately, I do wonder a lot why I left her alone and why I cannot take a U-turn back towards home. Would that be a good decision to see her in pain with my own eyes? I am clueless what to ask for her from God. If I would, I would never want her to go away from this life and I want all of my childhood time spent with her back - even if that is for a day.


I love you a lot mummy, and I pray for you always. You are and will be 'Always close to me'.